My attitude

On good days, I feel beautiful, light, flirtatious, cool, calm, and natural. I feel like my way of life, my positive attitude, is noticed by others. I feel intellectually stimulated by my words and conversations and media consumed, and I feel like I can reinvent myself on a moments notice - becoming and being a student, teacher, worker, flaneur, socialite, audience member, fun guy, confidante, wizard, and connoisseur of good taste at the same exact time, for everyone. On good days I transcend ideas given to me by society that divide and constrict me - gender, race, sexuality, class, and perception of others have not my consideration. I feel connected or tapped-in to the universe and am delighted by the signs and synchronicities that I receive. the roots of my gratitude cover me like a spiritual rainjacket that allows me to endure harsh rains. I feel patient, wise, not concerned and very assured.

On bad days, I feel pushed over and taken advantage of by the inherent conditions of the world, and I feel that my efforts to be a good person arent being acknowledged. I carry the stress in my jaw, forehead and shoulders. I feel frozen and disenfranchised, and as if I can not assimilate into my experience of time as it unfolds - I feel out of control of my time, so this manifests in overworking myself to catch up with time or neglecting time-sensitive or habitual goals to remove myself from time's grasp. I am unable to experience true presence - time is experienced as a commentary of itself. I can not get comfortable, and I don't want to talk to othersnor hear their input.

I am not as concerned with my appearance as I once was. Wild and untamed hair makes me feel powerful. I always wanted an eyebrow piercing, but I'm afraid that people may not treat me the same. I feel best in my body when my arms are covered. I wish I was physically stronger, or able to lift heavy things - but I do not wish to have a different build than the one I have now. In regards to health, I am particularly concerned about my weight, poor blood circulation, mens sexual health, memory and optics. I'm grateful to have a vessel with all working parts, and I see myself caring more about wellness in a general sense as I get older.

I like to be lighthearted about life but i do take things like work and ethics pretty seriously. I move slower through life - i take my time with things, and even if i were more decisive, i still feel like my life would move at a slower pace. i dont plan on peaking for another 20-25 years, and i anticipate a slow and steady buildup of experiences and knowledges that create a very well rounded and "model" senior adult with a deep sense of self, career, community and wisdom. i journal regularly and use an agenda to organize my life and to stay sane. I can be picky when it comes to trying new things.