My Laughter

I definitely used to use humor to cope with a a lack of understanding about my feelings. i have laughed at things i shouldnt have. i have lauged at things in my life that other people did not think was funny.

i dont really think I have any funny people in my family. i remember moments of my family being silly with each other, but so much has happened that i think we all became stoic. at least, that is what it looks like from my perspective.

i love to laugh. internet memes, podcasts, silly conversations with friends. i really like the way it feels to laugh. it feels better than when im hot about something with raised cortisol, or when im doubled over clutching my chest about something that hurts my feelings. laughter kind of is the best medicine, i wonder what kind of life dynamics could be healed if everyone was just so fucking funny.

i have had people say that im funny and i dont necessarily admire that statement because i think that a lot of humor is subjective. however, i do like to hear it - becuase sometimes youll be included in situations just for being funny, so it seems like a small advantage in this crazy life that i can cherish, not that it gets me anything, but at least it feels good knowing someone thinks you are something good. being funny is good, to me...

i feel like humor is a tool to help connect with like minded people. becuase you can laugh at the same things together, and there have been times where i shared a laugh with some of the most polarizing personalities. at the very least its a point of connection for me.

as i get older, i realize that i dont have as many memes saved in my phone as i have in the years prior. those have been replaced with screenshots and images of friends and times out, which i do prefer, but it challenges my abililty to convey how i feel about something because i cannot just refer to images on my phone to convey those feelings.

i think if i can reach a point of laughter about something, i can reach a point of "whatever" about that same thing. and it feels extra good to know that some things in life can be laughed off. i laugh off a lot of my day-to-day inconveniences and pesterings.