My Love

I am unsure about the role of love in my life at this point. so devotional love cant easily be replaced with any other word because its so strong. The things that love has created and destroyed are too intense for me to think about. People refuse to separate you from the things you love. and then you grow and chamge, and peoplewill be like "oh I THOUGHT YOU LOVED xyz." and treat you how you used to be, when you loved that thing.

i think my love is expressed through work or deliverables. as a kid i did whatever my parents asked me to. as a teenager i worked and helped pay bills. as a friend i always try to travel to the other person, show up with gifts or trinkets or food, and i work to support the things they have going on - like share reposting, having intimate conversations that encourage transformation and feelings of autonomy in their work, whatever the work is - donating when i can, providing any services im capable of from images to design. i try to be a good listener and support peoples dreams.

i have two jobs and i love to work, evven though its tiring..

when i go to work i act in accordance with the type of lover i want to be - hardworking, honest, intelligent, lax, and interested in working well together. i dont flirt with coworkers

i extend that ethic to my home life - i keep it clean, and i try to consider the people i live with as much as i can in my decisions. make small sacrifices to keep the peace and hope that my cohabitants are doing the same for me. i think i struggle in the more frivolous affairs of being in a relationship.

my romantic life is quiet. i have been in two serious relationships. The benefits of romantic love are nice but not worth the humiliation of having to rebuild yourself if it doesnt work out... i would rather be single and pursue creative affairs, and just enjoy my friends and work. ill bw more willing to settle down when im older.

like every other gay person i scroll on apps, but im not really interested in hooking up with people. hooking up is fine, but i feel like sex is representative of a greater feeling (love, appreciation, devotion, etc.) that i can identify and acheive in different ways.

its not easy being a prude in such a hedonistic time and culture. when i try a hedonistic identity on for myself, it looks pretty good, but it is not comfortable to wear. it is scary to be approached and objectified my men.

i love the simplicities of life more than the luxuries.